Nukes and Ladders
by Death By Segway Scooter
Summary: Mirrorverse Sometimes, dreams of a better tomorrow have terrible results.


**Legal Schtick:** I own no characters here. Hasbro/Takara own Transformers themselves. Deceptipup is the one that runs Transformers: Mirrorverse (a multi-author universe in which the roles of the good and evil characters are reversed. In other words, the Autobots are evil, and the Decepticons are the oppressed).

**Nukes and Ladders**

"I am _sooo_ slaggin' bored!"

The Autobot Bumper groaned to himself as he shifted in his uncomfortable seat. He stared out the window of his cramped scouting ship. Nothing out there but lots of black. There were a few white dots that were supposed to be stars, but it was mostly just plain ol' black. Bumper wondered how the universe, as huge and wondrous as everyone claimed it was, could be so boring.

Bumper was a scout; a "space scout" to be exact. He used to be a "land" scout, but he got transferred here not too long ago. His job was painfully simple: go out into an assigned obscure corner of the universe and see if there are any planets out there with resources that the Empire could plunder. That was it. No having to fight Decepticon rebels or facing the wrath of Lord Prime or anything.

But every silver lining is buried within a dark cloud. His job may have been simple and safe, but it was _boring_. Day in and day out, he had nothing to do but stare at the blackness outside the window in the same cramped scouting ship. When he would reach his destination, most of the time there was nothing there. A co-worker of his suggested to bring along a datapad with some long files to read on the trip so he wouldn't get bored. However, Bumper didn't want to do that; he _hated_ reading.

There was also a problem with payment. Because scouting wasn't a high-risk job (unless you ran into the occasional hostile planet), scouts were not paid very much. Even though scouts were supposed to be paid for each mission whether they found anything or not, Bumper found that the payroll department tended to conveniently "forget" to pay him anything if he came back empty handed.

And then there was the stigma surrounding the scouting job. This infuriated Bumper more than anything. Scouts were generally thought of as talentless hacks. They weren't strong enough to fight the Decepticons, nor were they smart enough to become tacticians or scientists. The only thing they were good for was looking for stuff in space.

_They must be blind!_ Bumper thought angrily. _I have TONS of potential! Anybody with the processing power of a_ light bulb _should be able to see that!_

But the fact remained that even though Bumper thought - no, _knew_ - he had oodles of raw talent, his superiors didn't. There had to be some way of showing them otherwise.

Ah ha! There was this one other scout that had been laying down on the job lately. Why just the other day, Bumper had caught him recharging in his ship as it was coming in. Since he was the only one on break at the time, he was the only one that knew about this lazy mech's little nap. Maybe if he reported it his boss - with a little "bending of the truth" to make it look like a more important problem - he might get a raise! And if it would also get him his boss's favor, he might eventually get a promotion! Yes! He would do it as soon as he got back to Cybertron!

"APPROACHING UNKNOWN OBJECT," the ship's computer said suddenly.

"What?!" Bumper cried, snapping out of his plot to climb the corporate ladder.

"APPROACHING UNKNOWN OBJECT," the computer droned again.

"Put it on screen," Bumper grumbled. It was probably another asteroid or some other piece of space trash.

An image of a binary star system came up on screen. One was red, the other was blue. It may have been a pretty picture to some, but Bumper was no fan of nature.

"Slaggit, _this_ is _it_?!" Bumper barked. "It's just a couple of _stars,_ you bucket of bolts! Did you get another virus or someth-!"

The scout stopped his tirade when he saw something else on screen. It was a crescent-shaped speck near the stars. It was probably nothing, but it piqued his curiosity.

"Computer, zoom in on these coordinates," he said, touching the screen where the suspicious speck was.

"PROCESSING...," the ship's computer replied.

A second later, a larger picture of the mysterious object appeared onscreen. The enlarged image revealed that it was definitely something. It was round and pretty big. It was a planet!

Of course, he couldn't celebrate yet. He was too far away to see any details. For all he knew this planet was barren. However, he still had to check it out.

"Computer, head towards the selected coordinates," Bumper ordered.

"ROGER," the ship droned.

Bumper watched the image on the monitor impatiently, hoping to Primus that it wasn't completely barren. If it even had a _few_ resources that the Empire could use, Bumper could get that raise and perhaps that promotion _without_ having to rat his colleague out!

Or maybe he should do that, anyway. After all it might get him _another_ raise, or seal the deal on the promotion.

As the surface of the planet came into view, Bumper became more and more excited. The planet looked like a second Cybertron! Not only was it roughly the same size, but it was covered in cities and roads! However, this also meant that the place was inhabited. Oh well, the Empire could easily take care of that little problem.

But wait, what if this was an abandoned planet? He hadn't seen one before, but a few other scouts supposedly ran into them. Just his luck he'd find what looks like a great planet, only to find out that everything was used up already! On the other hand perhaps it wasn't abandoned, but the natives were using some form of energy that couldn't be converted into energon. Bumper wasn't sure if that was possible, but one could never be too sure.

"Computer, give me the energy output of this planet," he commanded.

"PROCESSESING...," the automated voiced replied.

A moment later, a diagram appeared onscreen detailing the energy output levels and possible energy resources being used on this new planet. Bumper carefully looked them over. Normally he hated reading, but his future was at stake here!

After reading the results, Bumper jumped for joy. Upon doing so he also bumped his head against the ceiling and put a big dent in it, but he paid no mind to it. Not only was this planet still inhabited, it was putting out very high energy levels. These energy levels were so high, that the computer could only think of one resource potent enough to produce them - energon.

"A planet that's _already using energon_?!" Bumper cheered. "Oh, Primus! I am _soooo_ promoted after I tell everyone about this! Not only am I promoted, I'm _double promoted_! Ooh...maybe even triple promoted!"

"NOW ENTERING ORBIT," the computer droned, bringing Bumper back to reality.

"Oh! ...Right! Well," the Autobot regained his composure. "Record a few images of this place, then set the fastest course back to Cybertron."

"ROGER," the computer answered.

"Now then...," Bumper said to himself. "Oooh! I'm gonna be famous! I'll show those morons who's a 'talentless hack'!"

* * *

Unbeknownst to Bumper, his visit did not go unnoticed. Deep beneath the surface of the unknown planet, his scouting ship was being displayed all over several computer monitors in a darkened control room.

Watching the monitors was a very strange looking mech. Instead of having a boxy form like the Cybertronians, his was polygonal. He was covered in weapons, most of them laser rifles. The little armor he had underneath all those weapons was painted bright blue or red.

After watching Bumper's ship for a few moments, the mech turned around as if to speak to someone. He got down on one knee and bowed his head before talking.

"Lord Carnotus, an unknown ship is approaching," he said to something in the shadows.

An immense pair of optic lenses lit up upon hearing the news. They were both bigger than the weapon-covered mech. They began to analyze Bumper's ship on the computer screens that were almost too tiny for them.

"This ship does not look like a spy ship from any of the Others," a tremendous voice rang out from the shadows. "In fact, unless someone was getting creative, it does not look like any ship I have ever seen before."

"What do you mean, m'lord?" the smaller mech asked.

"What I mean is that I think this ship is not from this planet at all!" the voice boomed as the gigantic eyes focused on the much smaller robot. The mech, despite being covered in enough weapons to take out a small army, trembled at the response.

"An alien ship, sir?" he asked.

"Yes," the thunderous voice of Carnotus replied. "It has far too few weapons to be anything from this world. It may be a scouting or trade ship from another world. It has accidentally stumbled upon our remote location."

"Are they friendly?" the smaller mech asked.

"I do not know," the immense mech replied, "but I do not what to take any chances." The giant eyes focused on the smaller robot again. "Corundum, open the hatch."

The smaller mech jumped to his feet, his angular face twisted into an expression of shock. "But Lord Carnotus, the Others will see you!" he cried. "What if They think you're going to fire at one of _Them_?!"

"_Do it, Corundum_." Lord Carnotus thundered, causing the room to shake.

Corundum shivered. "Y-yes, m'lord," he whimpered.

The smaller blue mech walked over to the control panel and grabbed two switches. He flipped them both simultaneously. The room was then filled with the hum of the machinery above them, and the ceiling began to part.

As sunlight flowed into the underground control room, Lord Carnotus' monstrous form was revealed. He was as immense as his voice suggested he'd be; roughly the size of a gestalt. However, he was only half a mech; he had a head, arms, and torso, but no legs. Like his subordinate, his armor was polygonal rather than boxy. He was lying on his stomach, for attached to his back was a massive, hexagonal missile launcher. The launcher was already loaded with a few dozen hexagonal thermonuclear rockets.

Once the ceiling was opened wide enough, the platform under the huge mech began to rise, lifting him to the surface. This caught the attention of the mechs hanging around outside. Like Corundum, they too were covered in an array of weapons. However when they saw the much larger mech rising up from underground, they all ran for cover like roaches from the bottom of a shoe. Not a single shot was fired at the giant robot.

As the lift came to a halt, a bomb siren was sounded. Lord Carnotus looked to the sky to zero in on the scout ship. Once the unsuspecting Autobot was in his crosshairs, he fired a single warhead from the launcher on his back.

* * *

"I wonder what I should do with all that extra money I'll have laying around?" Bumper gloated to himself. "Maybe I should get those upgrades I wanted! Ooh, that would be great!" Suddenly, his face fell. "Ooh, I dunno about that. If I get too many good upgrades, they might make me fight Decepticons. I mean, killing rebel scum and all _sounds_ fun, but I don't wanna get killed myself! Maybe I'll buy new living quarters instead! Maybe that new recharger I've always wanted..."

Bumper was shaken from his investing plans when the ship's alarm sirens suddenly went off.

"Oooh! What is it now?!" Bumper snapped.

"WARNING! ENEMY MISSILE APPROACHING!" the computer replied.

The Autobot nearly jumped out of his armor. "_Missile_?!" he cried, looking out the window frantically. "Where, _where_?! Did the Decepticons follow me, or something?!"

He quickly glanced at the computer screen. According to the readout, a missile had been fired from the surface of the planet below.

"They're firing missiles at _me_?!" the scout cried indignantly. "What'd I ever do to them?!"

"EVASIVE ACTION SUGGESTED," the digital voice droned.

"You don't need to tell me twice!" Bumper screamed, flailing his arms around in a panic. "Turn around! _Turn around_!"

As the ship began to change course, Bumper continued to anxiously stare out the window to his left. He still couldn't see the missile that supposedly been fired at him. He hoped that this wasn't the ship glitching out on him and mistaking a satellite for a missile.

He would never get to see it, for moments later the thermonuclear missile struck his ship from the right.

* * *

Above the planet Lithone, there was a bright flash. Afterward, there was what looked like another star in the sky.

"Target destroyed," Lord Carnotus said to himself.

The platform lowered the talking missile launcher back underground, and the hatch closed behind him. Once the coast was clear, the confused Lithonian citizens came out from their shelters wondering just what it was that a warlord had to shoot down. Almost all of them worried that it had something to do with one of the other warlords.

Back underground, the image of Bumper's scouting ship was replaced with the image of an explosion just as Carnotus returned to his usual spot. Once the bay doors closed above him, the control room became cloaked in shadows again.

"The attack was a success, m'lord," the smaller mech said. "The alien ship as been completely destroyed."

"Excellent," was all the warlord said. He seemed to have a faraway look in his optics, as if he was plotting something.

After a long pause, Corundum asked, "Is something the matter sir?"

"Do you know why I shot that ship down, Corundum?" the giant mech asked.

"Not really, sire," the subordinate replied.

"A few reasons, really," Carnotus explained, "but they both centered around preventing outside interference. If it was a merchant ship selling weapons or supplies that we did not have, I could have benefited from them. But merchants are rarely loyal, and would have sold the same arms to the Others as well. That would make world relations even unhealthier than they are already."

"Good thinking, m'lord," Corundum reassured him, though his compliment came more from intimidation than admiration.

"But most importantly, I believed that this was a scout ship," Carnotus continued. "A scout ship from a hostile race, to be exact. I am not sure why I assumed it to be..."

"Intuition, sire?"

"Perhaps. Whatever the case, a hostile race attempting to conquer our planet would have, to put it mildly, 'disrupted' the balance we maintain here. Provided that this other race was actually strong enough to challenge us, our nation would have had to work together with the Others in order to fend them off."

"How humiliating."

"Perhaps. Perhaps not."

"What do you mean m'lord?"

"As I was shooting down the alien ship, I had been pondering how to explain this to the Others. They would obviously suspect that this incident was some act of aggression directed at Them. It was then that I realized something." It was too dark to see, but the warlord had a wide, scheming grin on his face. "Why not follow these aliens' example?"

Corundum looked confused for a second before he realized just what his master meant. "You mean-!?"

"Instead of fighting each other, we could be conquering the universe!" Carnotus declared. "All of the firepower on Lithone combined is enough to destroy several large planets, and we're producing more of it everyday! I say we put aside our differences, end this stupid stalemate, and invest our time in bigger things."

Corundum wasn't sure what to think. Would the Others buy into it or would They think it was just another scheme to destroy Them? And sure, Lithone had a ton of firepower, but who knows what was out there? Still, it's not like he could question his master's reasoning; he was quite allergic to being stomped into a scrap metal pancake.

"That's an interesting idea, m'lord," he said. "What shall we do first?"

"First, we need to notify the Others about that scout ship," the warlord replied. "I do not want Them doing Their own brand of 'investigating' themselves!"

"On it, sir," Corundum said, turning to the control panel.

"Afterward, I shall have to think of a way to convince my colleagues about joining me on this little 'endeavor' of mine," Carnotus continued, chuckling quietly to himself. Due to his huge size, the "quiet" chuckle had all the decibels of a jackhammer.

As Corundum opened the communication lines to the rival warlords, he couldn't help but shiver. This couldn't end well.

* * *

Unbeknowst to either of them, Lord Carnotus and Corundum's conversation did not go unnoticed. It was being played back over and over again on a multitude of spherical monitors that were attached to a warped silver pillar. No one was in the room - but someone was definitely watching.

After the recorded scene played a few times, a deep voice rang out from seemingly nowhere and everywhere.

_"Too long have the dogs of war been left loose, glutting on the blood of the masses. Too long have innocents suffered due to my neglect. Am I not the protector of this realm, a safeguard against those that would make the universe their own? I must serve penanace for my sin. Like a dam before the floodwaters, I shall intervene ere the situation becomes any worse."_

Once the voice was gone, the recording of the two conspiring mechs ceased playing. Then there was a very loud rumble and the noise of a massive engine starting up.

Something very big was now silently making its way toward Lithone. 


End file.
